


Tied Down

by kiboutozetsubou



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Marriage, murderers in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiboutozetsubou/pseuds/kiboutozetsubou
Summary: “Why don’t we get married?”-Hisoka doesn’t mean for Illumi to take him seriously, but he really should know better.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 33
Kudos: 558





	Tied Down

**Author's Note:**

> idk i just wrote this at 1 am out of nowhere. been thinking about how much i love hisoillu lately.

“You know, sometimes I wish you cared about me as much as you cared about Killua.” 

Hisoka pouts as he says it, hanging upside down off of the bed. 

The statement came suddenly, after witnessing Illumi’s latest attempts to contact Killua by spamming his phone with calls and texts. It seems the younger assassin is being disobedient again. 

Illumi is always so dispassionate with Hisoka. Maybe Hisoka wants to be obsessed over like that… It sounds like fun, at any rate.

“That will never happen,” Illumi states, matter of factly, not looking over at him from his place seated on the floor against the bed. “Killua is my family. Family is more important than anything.” 

“Then…” Hisoka grins deviously. “Why don’t we get married? Then I’ll be part of your family, won’t I?”

It’s clearly a joke, so he’s a little unsettled when Illumi goes quiet and looks _contemplative_ , of all things.

“Hm, that’s true,” he says. “But it would be impractical for the two of us to get married. We cannot have children to carry on the Zoldyck name.” 

“I seem to recall you having the power to alter your body with your needles,” Hisoka points out.

“Oh,” Illumi says. “You’re right. I could use my Nen to make that possible. And a child from the two of us would surely be very powerful…” 

Hisoka can’t help but agree with that statement. Would a child with their genes eventually grow up to be stronger than them? Is it bad that he kind of wants to fight his own hypothetical child? 

“You would be a terrible father,” Illumi remarks, as though reading Hisoka’s thoughts. 

Hisoka laughs. “You’re one to talk, dear. Surely you would put any child of yours through all of that lovely Zoldyck training you grew up on.” 

“That training made me strong.”

“It also made you fucked up.”

“Are you sure? You didn’t go through any of it, and you’re more fucked up than I am.” 

The uncharacteristically snarky response from Illumi draws another laugh out of Hisoka, loud and delighted. He flips upright on the bed, giving Illumi a look that’s equal parts exasperation and fondness. 

“I’d say we’re both terrible, darling.” 

Illumi says nothing, and goes silent again for a while, looking thoughtful. Hisoka watches him, fascinated with how in these quiet moments, he becomes so perfectly still, like a statue. 

“Well, then,” Illumi says at length. “I have decided. We’re going to get married and have a child, Hisoka.” 

Hisoka really should have seen this coming, but he still flounders, the smile dropping off his face. “Uh, Illumi…” 

“I am not so sure if my family would approve of your awful personality,” Illumi continues, completely serious, as he always is. “But you are strong enough, they would certainly approve of that, at least. You have good genes. Our child would surely make an excellent assassin.” 

“This was all supposed to be hypothetical…” Hisoka tries. Ignoring that comment about his awful personality, because, well. He does try his best to be obnoxious.

Illumi tilts his head back to look at him. Hisoka knows that objectively, most people would think his wide, dark eyes were terrifying. Hisoka just thinks they’re cute.

“Are you saying you don’t want to get married?” Illumi asks. 

If someone told a younger Hisoka that he would one day get married, he would have laughed in their face. And then maybe disemboweled them for the fun of it. It depends how he was feeling that day.

The idea is, miraculously, not so ludicrous now. But still alarming. 

“It’s a little sudden,” he explains. A grin makes its way onto his face again. “And you _know_ I’m not the type of man to be tied down, darling.” 

“We’re already in a relationship. So you’ve been tied down, haven’t you?” 

Hisoka pouts. So trying to sound cool didn’t really work. “I mean _symbolically_ , Illumi. It’s the principle of the thing.” 

“You’re not making any sense.” 

Hisoka sighs. “Alright, fine. Let’s get married.” 

Illumi’s face lights up. Maybe to anyone else his expression remains the same, but Hisoka can see the change, in his eyes, his brow, the slightest upward curl of his lips.

Illumi usually only smiles at Killua. It’s a little embarrassing how seeing a smile directed at him, however small, makes Hisoka’s heart flutter. 

“I will have a lawyer draft a prenuptial agreement,” Illumi says joyfully, picking up his phone again. “And of course, I’ll be taking out a large life insurance policy on you. You never know what could happen.” 

He’s so romantic. 

Of course, if he were sappy, he wouldn’t be the Illumi Hisoka knows and—loves? 

Hisoka watches his fiancé eagerly type out a message to his mother, no doubt informing her of the news and asking after a lawyer to ensure Hisoka’s dirty hands can never touch any of the Zoldyck fortune. 

And decides that yes, “love” sounds about right. 

**Author's Note:**

> i know killua is the heir of the zoldyck family so illumi probably wouldn't need to carry on the family name/profession or whatever, but i just feel like he'd want to, since family is so important to him. 
> 
> now join me in a prayer circle for their future child.


End file.
